so i forgot that this was even here... i stink

wooooooooooooow so it's been months.. years... whatever since i went on here..

i'm living in arizona now, have been here since the 7th.. drove here from nj (left on the 4th)

left a lot behind, that i miss terribly, more and more every day and i don't know if i can handle it.

besides the friends and the good times i've left behind seasons and daylight savings time. there is only summer, and the time never changes... no gaining and losing sleep time.

i've been having a really hard time finding a job out here... i've put my resume in at almost every store in the malls, on monster.com, careerbuilder.com, and at almost all the outlet malls and strip malls. i don't get it... i've over 5 years of management experience, 9 years of retail... what is going on here?

i have become addicted to the internet again, only because i can't find anything better to do with my time. you'd think i'd love not needing a job, i mean i don't pay rent or anything, so it should be easy living, right??

wrong. we forget that i've a baby due in august. yes. you read that right. hell has frozen over. less than a week after i broke it off with jared i find out i'm pregnant (on christmas eve no less). ya know.. it's been a wake up call. still don't know how the hell everything failed like that... shit, i even cut him off big time, for almost a month... his response? first he wanted me to get an abortion, and wouldn't comprehend why i won't do it, then he wanted us to get married (i'm pregnant, not insane), then it was insinuated that he could provide a better home (over my dead body). i realized a lot about jared, before i found out about the big news.... he was manipulative, self-serving, controlling, self-absorbed, arrogant, selfish, and jealous as all hell. i was so unhappy for the last MONTHS of the relationship.... like say... from september on...

i remember him flipping out when i went to see liz.. like absolutely spazzing on me. then how he spazzed out over the boys that worked for me, and about me hanging out w/friends when he wasn't around.. i wasn't allowed to have any me time. or any time at all with anyone unless he was there. drove me up the wall. the accusations of cheating, of not caring... oh man. i could make this the never ending post..

but he did make me go insane. i actually swore off boys.. and now nature is forcing me to keep to that oath. bc unless i magically become a milf, i do not see romance in my future for the next 20-30 years...

dont' get me wrong, by this point i've a positive light on the baby. it just scares the fuck out of me. i'm watching my dreams of college, being a vet tech, dating, etc go down the drain.

i miss the days where my biggest worry was scrounging up money for smokes, or making sure i had enough gas to get to games night....

that's all for now.. i'm sure there will be loads more now that i've remembered my password.